im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
