I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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