I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
