wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
