I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
