she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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