I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
