im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
