I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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