toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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