I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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