i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
