Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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