We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
