you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
