I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
