Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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