So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
