hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
