This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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