For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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