Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
