i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
