i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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