I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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