But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
