Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
