i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
