his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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