We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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