I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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