Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
