Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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