In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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