all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
