i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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