There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
