it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
