I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize