anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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