i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
