I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
