I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
