we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
