i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
