When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
