You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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