can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
