I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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