Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
