The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
