The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
