Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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