Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
