he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?