They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
