I faked an abortion last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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