We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
