I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He called his prostate his "boner button".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.