Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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