when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.