So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer