Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
