Ambien. No doubt about it.
it hurts more in the daytime
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
