I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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