I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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