we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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