we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
