I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize