just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
