i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
