I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
