Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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