Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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