Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

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  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1422) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.

  (323): View more from California

  to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.

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  (323): hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun. (323): to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend. http://tfl.nu/i9i1
  Replies (17) Good night (976) Bad night (4047)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

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  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3786) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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  (205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h
  Replies (4) Good night (3545) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

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  (316): i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up? http://tfl.nu/ciml
  Replies (25) Good night (1116) Bad night (3314)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.

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  (219): Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills. http://tfl.nu/rh2h
  Replies (5) Good night (2698) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.

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  (812): I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad. http://tfl.nu/pu3r
  Replies (7) Good night (1647) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.

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  (918): I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims. http://tfl.nu/k6sh
  Replies (3) Good night (1805) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.

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  (269): I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now. http://tfl.nu/er1x
  Replies (7) Good night (1283) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.

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  (616): He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/c5ac
  Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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  (586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0
  Replies (3) Good night (3288) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (973) Bad night (1600)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.

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  (904): My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy. http://tfl.nu/l9z4
  Replies (19) Good night (3391) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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  (636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee
  Replies (10) Good night (2577) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.

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  (505): Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who. http://tfl.nu/ct81
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (720)

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