Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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