I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread