Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.