This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.