you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.