We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
