I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
