Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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it's great music for shaving your balls
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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