Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
