the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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