Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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