after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
