Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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