That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
