In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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