So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
