had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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