Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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