Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
