i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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