The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
