he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
