Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
